Confessions of a neighbour.

A man received the following text from his neighbour:

I’m so sorry Bob.
I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.
I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around.
In fact, more than you.
I do not get any at home, but that's no excuse.
I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.


A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn predicted text!    Obviously  I meant "wifi ”

Have you ever dropped your phone down the loo?!

I expect if you have owned a smart phone, that you might have had an incident with it at some stage- perhaps you have dropped it and smashed the screen, but this is much less damaging than contact with water.  Sadly I dropped my brand new iPhone down the loo after only a week of owning it 3 years ago.  Water damage happens quite often, and it invalidates any warranty! 
I advise you to put your phone in a waterproof case to prevent the accident from happening, but
if it happens to you, turn off the phone, take out the battery if you can, and leave it to dry in a sealed bag of rice.  Do not shake the phone to remove water or use a hair drier on it!
A revolutionary new business called "Reviveaphone" offers a special bag for doing this which will also remove corrosive mineral deposits from your phone.  It costs around £15 and has been backed by Dragon's Den.

Gift Vouchers

At this time of year, it can be hard to think of suitable presents for family or friends. 
If you are really stuck and would like a gift voucher, do let me know.  I can send you an email with it attached for you to print out, and if you give me the details of who to address it to and who it is from, I can personalise it for you.

Decide how many lessons you would like to gift and I will add the information.

Give the gift of learning.

Pay by cheque or BACS.

Online Banking!

Online Banking

If you haven’t already signed up for online banking, then I recommend that you do!  It is so convenient to be able to check your bank statement before the paper one is sent to you, or to save paper by requesting that they no longer send one. 

Other things you can do:

·      Make payments online - Transfer money and pay friends, family and bills instantly.

·      Keep track of your balance.

·      Check for incoming payments. 

·      Manage standing orders and direct debits.

·      See when cheques have been cashed.

·      The main advantage of all the above is that you can do it 24/7.

·      Access your bank from your computer or your smartphone.

There are a few things to consider.  Most people have concerns about fraudsters being able to access their account and steal their money, however banks have many layers of security to make this more difficult.  No-one would bank online if the security wasn’t up to scratch!

There are things that you can do to help yourself stay safe:

·      Never save or store your log in details or password on your computer.  Even though it makes logging in quicker and easier.

·      Log off at the end of each session and not leave your computer or mobile phone unattended when you’re logged on to Internet or mobile banking.

·      Keep all your log in details and passwords safe in a place so that you will be able to find them again. 

·      Use complicated passwords that are hard to guess.  A mixture of upper and lower case letters, numbers and symbols are a good idea.

·      Keep your computer security software (e.g. antivirus and firewall) up-to-date and run regular security scans.

·      Be aware of people looking over your shoulder when you’re using mobile banking in public.

·      Never enter your online banking details in full on any websites or mobile applications.

In order to bank online you will need to register for online banking with your bank.  They will often provide you with a log in number and you then have to fill in the form online to set up your online account and provide 2 passwords- one for logging in and another as an extra security.

Some banks send out a little hand held device into which you can insert your bank card.  It works with your card and PIN to generate unique, 1-time 8-digit codes for use in Online Banking.  This is used instead of a password and is super safe.  Barclays use one called PINSentry.

Setting up recipients for payments takes a few minutes.  All you need to know is the account name and account plus the sort code.  The first set up often requires phone authentication - the bank call you and request the code that they display on your screen, which you type into your keypad.  Once a recipient is confirmed and set up, you can make payments in record speed.  The money is transferred in a couple of hours to the recipient’s account or you can specify when you want the payment to take place.

It sounds more complicated than it is!  Don’t be put off.  Online banking allows you to take control of your finances whenever it suits you and you won’t need to queue in the bank again to make a payment or set up a direct debit!   If your concerns are about fraud, the bank will repay you if you are a victim of fraud, so be reassured.  Online banking is probably one of the most useful things you can do on the Internet!

Podcasts. What are they and how to get them.

Podcasts from the BBC

There are some things that the BBC do really well, and podcasts is one of them! 

If like me, you enjoy radio, you will like podcasts.

What is a Podcast?

A podcast lets you automatically receive the latest episode of your chosen programme as soon as it's available.  With the BBC’s current range of audio podcasts, you can download your favourite radio programmes onto your computer and listen anytime.  You could also put them on your Smartphone and take them with you listen wherever and whenever you like.

You can subscribe to receive a podcast, rather like you might subscribe to a magazine and get it delivered each week.  All of the BBC's podcasts are free, and you can stop receiving the files at any time.

The majority of podcasts are available for either 30 days or indefinitely.   Once you have subscribed though, you can download them and keep them forever.  If you missed an episode and didn’t download it you will miss it.

 If you have a favourite radio show, and it’s a popular one, there is doubtless a podcast associated with it.  I am a big fan of Radio 4, and 2 of my favourite programmes are “Desert Island Discs” and Claire Balding’s “Ramblings”.  These are aired each week, and if I don’t hear them on the day, I could catch up using iPlayer but each programme is only available for 7 days, and if I forget to listen on iPlayer, I will miss the programme altogether, so I subscribe to the podcast.  This downloads to my phone and I listen whenever I want to.

The length of time it takes to download will depend on your Internet speed.  Podcasts don’t take up much space, but if you subscribe to lots of them and keep every episode you may use up the available storage space on your computer or phone.

To get a podcast go to http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts.  Take a look around the page, scroll down and find the big black box, which has a list of stations and genres.  There is a huge choice but if it is Radio 4 that you want, you will need to click it.  You then have a list of the 147 available podcasts that you can subscribe to.  When you have found one that you like, you click it and then click “subscribe for free”.  You then have to choose how you would like it to arrive on your computer.  If you have iTunes, then choose iTunes.  I find this is the easiest way!

Your next task is to open iTunes and click on the menu at the side which says Podcasts.  A list of the ones you have subscribed to will appear here.  Double click folder and a list of all the available items will appear and you can choose which ones to download.  You can listen to them using iTunes.

To get them on your phone, you connect it to the computer and choose what you put on it via iTunes or subscribe using your phone. 

My mother in law has been having trouble sleeping recently and I bought a little iPod Nano- a tiny little MP3 player which has room to put hundreds of episodes of Desert Island Discs (The entire archive is available to download – going back to the 50’s with Roy Plomley).  She also has Claire Balding and many other wonderful Podcasts to enjoy and relax to.  She is 87 and is loving her new technology and amazed it all fits in such a small machine!

Galaxy Gear, Samsung’s first ever Smartwatch!

Samsung Galaxy Gear smartwatch officially unveiled

IFA 2013 Should the iWatch be worried?

By Kate Solomon  September 4th

Hot off the press

Related stories

Samsung's new smartwatch, the Galaxy Gear, has been revealed at IFA 2013- but it will only work with the also-announced Samsung Galaxy Note 3 and Galaxy Note 10.1 2014 edition for now.
The Android-running wrist-warmer allows you to make voice-controlled hands-free calls through your phone, and hopes to get a headstart on the long-rumoured Apple iWatch while also the recently-announced Sony Smartwatch 2 a run for its money.
The 73.8g Gear comes with a 1.63-inch Super AMOLED touchscreen that will display notifications, and there's a 1.9MP camera on the strap which allows you to record video in Full HD.

There are also two microphones for noise cancellation, and a speaker squeezed into the watch strap's clasp. To answer a call, you raise your arm to your face and start chatting. Apparently that's "natural".
As for the battery, it's a 315mAh cell which you recharge using a microUSB charger and charging cradle combination. Samsung reckons you'll get "more than a day" from a single full charge, but we'll just see about that.

The camera uses AR so you can use it to, for instance, translate road signs in foreign languages as well as take photos and shoot video. The watch comes with 4GB of internal storage.
"I believe it will become a new fashion icon around the world," said JK Shin, Samsung's CEO, ambitiously.
As for app support, the Galaxy Gear can brag 70 apps, including Path, Pocket and RunKeeper.


Not sure this will catch on with young people- they don't normally wear a watch!  We will have to see!

Imponderables to muse over!

 Many of you will be taking a well deserved holiday over the next few weeks, so you will have time to relax and think, so here is something for you to think about!


1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.  Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

19. Ever wonder about those people who spend £2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. OK ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make
the Tennessee Titans?

23. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it?

24. Why if you send something by road it is called a shipment, but when you send it by sea it is called cargo?

25. If a convenience store is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?